we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
