If i come over, it means nothing
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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