What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
