FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
