scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
