Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
