The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
