Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
