the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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