You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
