Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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