Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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