But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
