I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
