: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
