Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
