i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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