the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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