Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
