Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
