i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
