I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
