So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
