I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
