Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
