It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
