If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
