I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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