Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want to make out with him forever
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
