So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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