I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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