Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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