How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
