he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
