ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
