I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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