Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
