All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
