I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
