it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
