So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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