Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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