Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
