Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
