hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
