pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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