You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
