I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
