zippers are such a cool invention
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
