My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
