Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
