Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
