I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
