I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
